User blog:JDlover/Beat Yo Face: The Crystal Mascara - Episode 5: Snatch Game of Law

PREVIOUSLY ON... “For this week’s Maxi Challenge, you will be coming together to parody some of the most iconic gay films of our generation!” Robin: Expect the script to be unfinished, the look to be unfinished and everything to be lazy. HoWaffles: OK, expect to be eliminated. Team 1’s Snatch Me By Your Name!

Elio: Oliver, I have to tell you something. Oliver: I know it already, you f*cking came into my peach… ;) Elio: That’s not what I wanted to say…. *Looks regretfully at Oliver*  Elio: I have a disease…  Oliver: NO F*CKING WAY!  Elio: I’m so sorry, I knew I should’ve told you I was a little monster when we first met.

[The judges crack up and clap] Team 2’s Bareback Moans!

''- They did the best they could after my parents were canceled for life, considerin' they didn't leave us nothin' but 24 dollars and beyonce’s “The Gift”! Ugh, their homophobic minds. . . -I got me a year a clown academy, before the transmission went on the pickup. . .And then, my sis left.''

[The judges slow clap] Team 3’s Love Maria!

*beep beep noises* Via, thru phone: What do you want wh*re? Maria: I have a friend who wants to join the show, are you avai- ''Via: I'm busy b*tch. We just started filming All Stars and I have to record a new album with Danho and QOS. It's a tribute to our ancestry and heritage so I'm featuring Yemi Alade in my song.'' Maria: But… you're wh- ''Via: We're full b*tch. We're about to send Gingica home.'' Maria: Bu- *phone hangs up* Simoné: Well? Maria: No.

[The judges burst into laughter and clap loudly] “Maricarmen Maestra… Condragulations, you are the winner of this week’s challenge!” Robin X…

Erikka69… After Erikka’s elimination…

Sin D.: Girl…

Hannah: That was… unexpected.

Erikka: (lipstick message) ''' Bye! '''

[Robin wipes off the message]

Gingica: Never liked her anyways.

Sin D.: It was obvious her time was up, the fact she made top 3 last season baffles me.

[Shade sound]

Tina: Let’s get back to the elephant in the room aka the fact that Robin is STILL f*cking here.

[Metal scraping sound]

[Camera pans to Robin]

Robin: If you’re too bothered by my presence then keep it to yourself sweetie.

Tina: Honey you should’ve been eliminated week 1.

Robin: You can’t deny that I AM the lipsync assassin of the season and if a b*tch tries it I’ll send her home!

Robin: (confessional) I don’t get why Tina is so bothered by me staying here. She hasn’t been showing me the best treatment the last couple of weeks and I don’t know what I’m doing that’s grinding her gears.

Hannah: Anyways, congrats to our winner!

Maricarmen: Thank you! I can’t believe I won!

Maricarmen: (confessional) Winning this week was something I didn’t even think could happen. I was sure I’d be in the bottom.

Hannah: You turned it out girl!

Tina: It should’ve been us who won that challenge.

[rucucucu]

Sin D.: Don’t get bitter, get better.

Tina: Your script was the most cliché mess I’ve ever seen, I don’t know what the judges saw in it.

Sin D.: Maybe it was cliché but it was FUNNY. You know, the point of the challenge.

Sin D.: (confessional) I don’t know what is up with Tina today, she’s been going at it with everyone. I think the pressure of this competition is getting to her, it’s clear that it’s her time to go next.

[Intense orchestral music while camera pans towards the different queens]

Werk Room
The next day...

Hannah: (confessional) It’s a new day in the Werk Room! After last week, I definitely feel like I’m starting to really step it up. I hope I can win at least one challenge!

Gingica: So what do you guys think this week’s challenge is going to be?

Robin: I hope it’s something different this time around.

Tina: Oh because you’re too tired of f*cking up the same challenges each week?

“Oooh girl!”



“She done already done had herses!”



''In a certain way, drag queens are chameleons. We shed our original selves and assume new, sickening glamazon personas. The question is, how good are you at being someone other than yourself?''

Tina: Is it what I think it is?

Mini Challenge
HELLO HELLO HELLO!

Hosts: Feeling like a shady lady today? Well, in the great tradition of Paris is Burning, get out your library cards…



You will have to throw shade at all of your fellow queens, and the funniest, shadiest reader wins! You have 24 hours to send your reads to your Facebook confessional chat.