“For this week’s Maxi Challenge, you will be over-acting in the dramatic true crime series “The Assassination of Lady Bunny: American Grime Story”.”
Hannah: “Can I say something? Don’t screw me over again, okay?”
[Metal scraping sound]
OzQueen: “Are you serious? Girl…”
OzQueen: “If you have a problem with me just spit it out.”
María: “I just don’t think you’re taking this competition seriously.”
[Shade sound]
OzQueen: “Well girl I wasn’t the one who had to beg to stay last week!”
“Team Gingica.”
RuPaul: “So I brought you a little gift. It’s an exclusive V.I.P. pass to my fracking site with a guide! And by the way, I surely wouldn’t want you to suffocate and die in the smoke.”
Lady Bunny: “...You shouldn’t have! You know, the last time I went fracking was with Charlie Sheen and Leslie Jordan in ‘95!”
Bianca: “BUT THAT’S ALL YOU DO! SEE MEN.”
Lady Bunny: “I couldn’t help but overhear men! Are there more to c*m? The more guys, the more fun!”
Bianca: “NOT THE PIT CREW AGAIN. [rolls eyes]”
“Team Natasha.”
Coco: “Michelle, don’t you remember saying you felt something milky? Then I said it smelt like a cow’s a*s? I think it was Lady Bunny’s farts. Someone made her drink milk, it wasn’t me obviously, I don’t do coffee, I drink tea like... Celestial Seasonings™ [wink]”
Michelle: “So what? She died by farting too much?”
Coco: “No you stupid b*tch, she’s lactose intolerant, she can’t drink milk.”
“DonutLikeMe!”
QOS: “Oh my god! Your Lady Bunny was absolutely genius!”
HoWaffles: “I didn't expect you to come out and execute Lady Bunny to THIS level of realism and humor!”
“OzQueen!”
QOS: “Your Coco Peru was hilarious!”
Via: “You carried the absolute f*ck out of your team!”
“María Netta!”
HoWaffles: “Here’s the issue with your Bianca, it was one-note the... entire... time!”
Via: “There’s a lot more to Bianca than her insults.”
“DonutLikeMe, OzQueen...
Condragulations, you are the Top 2 All Stars of the week!”
OzQueen...
“Which of the bottom queens have you chosen... to give the ch-?”
OzQueen: “I chose this b*tch María.”
María Netta…
After María’s elimination…
Natasha: B*tch that was the gag.
María: (lipstick message) This isn't the last of this Sailor Senshi! #GetOzQueenOut
OzQueen: Umm, whatever b*tch. [wipes the lipstick message]
Hannah: She was getting on your nerves a lot.
OzQueen: (whispering) As if you weren’t…
[rucucu]
[The queens sit down on a couch]
Amy: So, miss Donut, who you choose?
Donut: Well…
[rucucu]
Donut: (pulling out her lipstick) I chose… Natasha.
[Metal scraping sound]
[The girls are shocked]
Natasha: [staring at her with crazy eyes] B*tch, what?
Donut: I was about to choose María, but I decided to make a move instead.
[Shade sound]
Donut: I need to get rid of the threats and plus, María said I’m smart so I couldn’t eliminate her then! [smirks]
[Natasha grins at her]
Natasha: (confessional) She said it herself, she chose me because I am COMPETITION. I need to look out for this b*tch, she’s playing her own game.
Donut: [to Natasha] As much as I think you’re fierce competition and deserve to be here, I needed to take the first chance I got.
Amy: She’s playing by her own set of rules!
Gingica: That’s the thing, there are no rules.
[Metal scraping sound]
Donut: If someone like OzQueen was in the bottom and I’m in the top… I think you all know what will happen if I win.
[Camera pans to OzQueen]
[Intense orchestral music starts playing]
OzQueen: Now now b*tch.
OzQueen: (confessional) I seem to be taking it from every direction. María didn’t seem to leave me alone, Hannah kept saying some passive aggressive sh*t, and now Donut is plotting to get me out of here.
[Intense orchestral music while camera pans towards the different queens]
OzQueen: (confessional) Being me is more difficult than being a US marine…
Werk Room[]
Hannah: (confessional) It’s a new day in the Werk Room! I’ve been consistently safe the last two episodes so I’m hoping I’ll pull through this time!
Gingica: I think it’s pretty safe to say OzQueen and I are dominating this competition.
OzQueen: Get into it, Season 3 top three.
Amy: You might be the Season 3 top three, but I’m the Season 1 top one. So scoot aside b*tches.
[They laugh]
[A siren sound plays]
[Vroom]
QOM: Oh my god, can it be?!
Maxi Challenge[]
Hosts: Ever since the big year of 2020 started, we have faced many trials and tribulations, one of them being the ongoing pandemic! Due to that, many important events have taken to the Internet to strive and survive; it’s what we call the “digital world”. Everything we just said will seem like it has nothing to do with this week’s challenge, because tonight, we are playing…
OzQueen: (confessional) It’s time for the Snatch Game! I’m pretty known for my iconic performance as Helen Keller and Charlie Hides during Season 3, I have to snatch another win!
Hosts: But you will be playing it… digitally.
Inspired by the Digital Drag Fest, tonight, you will be attending the Digital Snatch Fest. Don’t worry, you will zoom right through your celebrity impersonations like it’s no biggie! It’s all… digital.
You know the drill, inspired by the Match Game, you have to pick out a celebrity of your choice, make a FaceYourManga for them, and impersonate them while answering some questions. The funniest impersonation wins!
That’s not all though! Because on the runway, category is… Queen of the Blade! You need to showcase the intricacy of any blade of your choice in a dazzling runway outfit!
You have 48 hours to send us your FaceYourManga, celebrity impersonation, and runway look via your Discord confessional channels.
Gentlemen, start your engines, and may the best All Star… WIN!
Tracking List[]
- AmyNo iSaid [3/3]
- DonutLikeMe [3/3]
- Gingica [3/3]
- Hannah [3/3]
- Natasha [3/3]
- OzQueen [3/3]
- Queen of Memes [3/3]
- Robin X [3/3]
Werk Room[]
[The queens get their wigs and outfits out]
OzQueen: [to Amy] Who are you gonna do miss ma’am?
Amy: I’m thinking of doing Timothée Chalamet.
OzQueen: Interesting.
Amy: [pulls out another wig] ...But I’m also thinking of doing Dominique Jackson.
[Metal scraping sound]
OzQueen: Ooh girl, well if you don’t know who to choose, I played two characters during Season 3 and won so…
Amy: I have everything ready for Timothée, like I did my work, now I need to perfect my Dominique.
[The hosts enter for a walkthrough]
HoWaffles: Hey b*tches!
[HoWaffles and Via come up to Amy’s station]
HoWaffles: Hey kitty girl! Who are you gonna play?
Amy: Well, you’ll have to guess!
HoWaffles: I see an Oliver and Elio signature on your table so I’m guessing… Timothée?!
Amy: Correct!
[HoWaffles gets excited]
HoWaffles: Oooh girl, you know I’m a Timothée stan and might as well know everything about him so you better execute this good!
Via: Yes she ain’t lying, she will eat you up in her critiques if you f*ck it up!
[Amy gulps]
HoWaffles: If you do a character like him, I suggest you play it up as one of his movie roles, and by the looks of it, you are! So I’m glad you realized that.
Amy: (confessional) My p*ssy is nervous because I haven't won a challenge yet. At least I was in the top last episode… but as everything is so unpredictable, I need to bring my A-game to be in the top.
Amy: Well, he might not be the only one you’ll see me play as during the Snatch Game, I have some tricks up my sleeve!
Via: Well, we can’t wait to see them. Bye!
[They come up to OzQueen’s station]
Via: Hey girl, how’s everything?
[OzQueen is distraught]
OzQueen: Well… here’s the thing, my first choice coming into this competition was Coco Peru, but since I played her last week, I’m not so sure it’d be received well a second time.
HoWaffles: Yikes, you don’t want that to happen.
OzQueen: But I kinda wanna do her again. [rucucu]
HoWaffles: I don’t recommend that… Just ‘cause she made you go Top 2 once doesn’t mean she might do it again.
OzQueen: I have several choices, but I’m not 100% sure yet… I don’t know who to impersonate.
[OzQueen goes through her station thinking of countless characters to do]
OzQueen: [to Via, tearing up] Please let me do Coco again.
Via: Are you sure? We might give you the “we want to see more” critique.
OzQueen: (confessional) I feel like I have a mental block. Last time I made a deaf person and an old person funny, but I just can’t come up with anything right now.
OzQueen: I got it, I might do María Félix. She’s a Mexican actress and icon, a feminist with old views, and is as shady as a palm tree.
Via: Well, if you think you’re confident doing her, why not? Good luck!
[QOS walks up to Donut’s station]
QOS: Hey Donut! How’s everything going?
Donut: Well, after last episode… losing to OzQueen. [sighs]
QOS: I mean, you were great in the lip-sync and you still got a challenge win.
Donut: A challenge win is one thing, but I’m not at the level of confidence I need to be in.
QOS: Your comedy chops were great last episode and this challenge is all about being funny, so put them to use!
Donut: I mean, I don’t know what to think of this challenge. I do have some power in comedy… but not impersonations.
QOS: Well, you did your research last time around, and you ended up excelling, so why not try that again? You have a real shot at doing great in this challenge.
Donut: I hope… My strategy for Snatch Game is that a lot of people that won this challenge have done oddball characters to stand out, so that’s what I’m planning to do!
QOS: Alright, I’ll leave you to it!
[Robin paces around the room in circles, not knowing what to do]
Robin: (confessional) I'm most scared I'll flop considering how horribly I did in Season 3. [Flashback to Robin’s Big Red and elimination] I have to do better this time.
Natasha: Why you so worried girl?
Robin: I’m not sure how I’ll do in the Snatch Game. I wanna do darker humor and I want to pick a character that exemplifies that.
Natasha: That’s clever, who you got?
Robin: My choices are Tyra Sanchez, Doja Cat, Cardi B, and Belle Delphine. I hope I can do them justice.
Natasha: Doja Cat and Cardi B… as dark humor? Good luck girl.
Robin: (confessional) I’m nervous as hell. [Shade sound]
Digital Snatch Fest[]
QOS: Welcome to the Digital Snatch Fest! I’m your host, Queen of Snakes. Prepare for a star-studded night full of bickering and b*tchiness, all from the comfort of our own homes! Let’s meet our contestants.
Legendary Season 1 queen and a member of the House of Ho, give it up for HoPancakes!
HoPancakes: Yes I got some obligatory work done, deal with it. Might or might not be a drug lord now so if you got any hits meet me after the shoot.
And the winner of Season 3, the one and only, Sin D. Kate!
Sin D.: Hi it's so nice to be back here again, it feels great that I'm the only queen from my season who isn't here for another 5 minutes of fame! [Shade sound]
Now, let’s get to know our celebrity panel!
Oscar-nominated actor Timothée Chalamet [as Elio] (AmyNo iSaid) is here!
Timothée: Salut, comment ça va? I'm Timothée but you sure can call me by your name. [winks]
Hard-working teacher and TikTok superstar SnarkyMarky (DonutLikeMe) has joined us!
Marky: OH MY GOD. It's DISTRACTING how cold it is in here. Can you PLEASE make the temperature more comfortable!
She is so quiche! All the way from Australia, it’s Ja’mie (Gingica)!
Ja’mie: Hi, I'm Ja'mie, with the ' because it makes me stand out and stuff like that, yeah. I have practiced for this competition while maintaining my charity work... and I better f*ckin win. The rest are also f*ckin sl*ts so this is going to be f*ckin easy.
Blame it on her juice! It’s singing superstar Lizzo (Hannah)!
Lizzo: Bring the good vibes!
She wants your stupid love! Please welcome THE Lady Gaga (Natasha)!
Gaga: HELLO LITTLE MONSTERS! MY NAME........... ISN'T ALICE. In fact it's Lady Stefani Gagarmanotta! WELCOME! [turns on boombox with a Chromatica CD in it]
The legendary Mexican diva, actress María Félix (OzQueen) is here!
María: Hola, hello, it's me María Félix, wherever I go, the luck always is on my side, and my make up because I won't let the cameras see me with my old f*cking hag face!
It was a cultural reset. Rose McGowan (Queen of Memes) has come out to play!
Rose: [arrives late to the set wearing sunglasses while carrying a huge purse and stomping heels loudly] Sorry I'm late everyone I was being harassed by the manager at Marshalls. I'm Rose McGowan and I am f*cking grateful to be alive.
Last but not least, rap superstar Cardi B (Robin X) has joined us!
Cardi: [sticks tongue out] Eow! It's me Cardi Cardi Cardi banging body! I'm ready to throw some shoes and drug some men.
QOS: Here’s how the game works: our contestants have to match our celebrity panel’s answers. The contestant with the most matches wins! Let’s start with a question for HoPancakes.
“Broke Betty is so broke that in the middle of her Zoom call, her Wi-Fi connection [blank]ed!”
HoPancakes: Broke Betty is so broke that in the middle of her Zoom call, her Wi-Fi connection got evicted!
QOS: Ooh, alright! Let’s go over to our celebrities and see if you got a match. Let’s start with Timothée; you know some very revealing pictures of you have come out recently, do you have any comments?
Timothée: You see me hanging around with some girl... but the truth is I'M STILL HEARTBROKEN P*TAIN!!!
[QOS chuckles]
Timothée: (sobbing) I MISS HIM SO MUCH!
QOS: So sad to hear that, but we need to know your answer!
Timothée: Broke Betty is actually the girl that was with me before I met Oliver. She was really sweet, and in fact we used to play in Zoom calls. [winks] So I've been there and her Wi-Fi connection... LEFT ME ALONE IN THE TRAIN STATION I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S GOING TO MARRY SOMEONE [bawling]
QOS: (cracking up) I’m so sorry my dear but that is not a match! Let’s go over to Ja’mie, what say you?
Ja’mie: I wrote that her Wi-Fi connection got depression. And it's totally understandable I would kill myself too if I was being controlled by some ugly fat lesbian b*tch. I swear I would get clinical depression if I was friends with a lesbian.
QOS: Ooh, not a match! Ja'mie, why do you hate lesbians so much?
Ja’mie: It's so disgusting, they keep looking at you and want s*x and they're so f*cking fat and ugly. That one lesbian at my school, she does dance right? Guess what, she dances like a f*cking dumb*ss she's such a b*tch.
QOS: Interesting… Gaga, what did you answer?
Gaga: Broke Betty is so broke that her Wi-Fi connection flew to see JOANNE! And she started to… sing… for the GOD. But she had no money to pay for church entrance, so she decided to serve a BOMBastic performance there, which caught the attention of the media and Ariana Grande. She helped her get to heaven by singing a note so high that the sound wave converted into physical force and pushed her way up and there she saw… Madonna.
[rucucu]
QOS: Uhh, that was quite the story but unfortunately not a match! Ms. McGowan, what did you write down?
Rose: How come I didn't get a frappuccino? I was promised a grande frappuccino!!!!
QOS: I can’t believe we forgot, we’ll get that for you in a minute!
María: How about getting a damn wig, bald women look like haired p*nises.
[QOS chortles]
Rose: DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GENDER MISS? Anyways I wrote that HER WI-FI CONNECTION CALLED HER SIR.
[Metal scraping sound]
QOS: ...Also not a match. Alright, on to question number 2 for Sin D. Kate:
“Gay Gary is so gay, instead of using Zoom to video-chat, he uses [blank]!”
Sin D.: I said Gary's so gay he uses the WOW Presents™+ app available for only $3.99! [wink]
QOS: That’s a great answer! Let’s see if any of our celebrities matched it. SnarkyMarky, what say you?
Marky: Gay Gary is so gay, instead of using Zoom to video-chat, he uses NOTHING. I am sourry, but the fact that ANYONE would use technology during my class is EXTREMELY disrespectful. I have worked EXTREMELY hard just for you stupid kids to disrespect me. I am shocked, bewildered, and HORRIFIED, that anyone would try to disregard me. Now if you excuse me, I need to get my iced macchiato.
[QOS cracks up]
QOS: Not a match, but now I’m curious - what do you teach in class, miss Snarky?
Marky: 5th grade Math. The level of DISRESPECT these kids have is DISGUSTING. Stupid kids know I'm not being paid enough for this nasty a*s job!
QOS: But aren't you a High School supervisor?
Marky: You dare question me? I swear, this is the worst pain I've ever experienced in my life! Can I speak with your manager? You're actually making me VERY distraught right now and I'm taking it EXTREMELY seriously!
QOS: (snickering) I'm sorry my dear, would you like a Xanax pill?
Marky: Oh my god. Give me 12, how much?
QOS: You get a supervisor discount! Unless you really aren’t a supervisor!
Marky: [inhales and exhales] The migraine that is channeling inside my head is very ANNOYING. But yes, I will take the discount, but you have NO RIGHT to question any of my judgement.
QOS: My bad, ma'am! OK, let’s move on to Lizzo! What’s your answer?
Lizzo: Gay Gary is so gay, instead of using Zoom to video-chat, he uses TikTok to sing what he says.
[rucucu]
QOS: Unfortunately Lizzo, not a match!
Timothée: Speaking of TikTok, did you see me there?
[QOS chuckles]
QOS: Let’s go over to Miss Félix, what say you?
María: He uses a damn underwear, because I know men are so damn dirty they might use it to talk with each other, ugh, this is WHY THE WORLD IS SO HORRIBLE AND DIRTY, clean yourselves!
QOS: Not a match, but I agree! Let’s see what Cardi B has to say.
Cardi: I wrote that he uses all the times I've been cheated on by Offset, even while I was pregnant and had my daughter to video-chat! I'm still always staying loyal to Offset anyway even though he cheated on me. Okurr.
[Metal scraping sound]
QOS: Uh-huh… Not a match. This next question is for HoPancakes:
“Scared Sally is so scared of going out, not because of the virus, but because of [blank]!”
HoPancakes: Scared Sally is so scared of going out, not because of the virus, but because of microaggressions!
QOS: Let’s see what our panel has to say! Timothée?
Timothée: You know what, I'm leaving. I still can’t believe how he's f*cking another p*ssy and that's why I f*cked another one days ago! If you see him there in the US, tell Oliver I need him. And that my peach is still creamy if he wants to taste it again! [leaves]
QOS: Oh no! But wait, it looks like someone else’s taken his spot in the panel! Who could that be…
Dominique: WHAT IS THIS F*CKERY? I just got off the ball to see these monkeys fooling around?! I'm not here for it.
QOS: Miss Dominique Jackson [as Elektra]! How’s your house doing?
Dominique: You know these b*tches left me when that horse Blanca decided to go by herself, but I came back as Mother Wintour, how about that?
María: Oh here comes another person…
Dominique: ANOTHER PERSON? YOU BETTER RESPECT ME BECAUSE YOU. ARE. NOTHING.
María: And without a white man producing a series you wouldn't be something.
Dominique: EXCUSE ME? Outside of the show I AM a BALLROOM LEGEND. I've been walking face for a lot of years and you sure haven't snatched Grand Prizes like I did.
María: The prizes I snatched weren't grand prizes, they were granDER prizes.
Dominique: The only thing "grand-er" is the taco you eat every night, whack-a*s p*ta.
[QOS screams]
QOS: OK, but tell us miss Dominique, what did you answer?
Dominique: I wrote that Scared Sally is not afraid of a virus! But because she is afraid to be SLAYED BY ME, besides the only virus she has is the HIV, just like that girl Farty B, after dragging her p*nani across the streets of NYC.
[Camera pans to Cardi]
[QOS cackles]
Cardi: Don't call me Farty B, I'm more successful than you'll ever be, you roach.
Dominique: Roach? Look girl... God may have "blessed" you with some injected fat a*s, a shack in the ghetto and an unwanted pregnancy that you paid to keep so you could go to the music industry and major in being a raggedy b*tch... and none of these things make you successful. I know my presence threatens you as I am THE black woman to beat. But I'm way much stronger than you’ll ever be. Now pick my food up this table and go back to the pole to get what? 1 cent? Because I'm not going anywhere.
QOS: Ooh, now that was a legendary read!
María: Talking about farts, what's that smell?
Gaga: Where's Lizzo, we're talking about farts, she's an expert!
QOS: (snickering) Alright ladies, calm down! That was not a match, miss Dominique! Let’s move on to Ja’mie!
Ja’mie: She’s scared because of the homeless, the r*t*rded and the African Americans walking on the streets.
QOS: That is not a match, Ja’mie! Let’s see what Gaga has to say!
Gaga: Sally is scared of going out because she heard a dinosaur outside. At first she felt weird vibrations and the sounds of a ticking clock and she got a little bit confused. But then she heard someone roar "time goes by, so slowly" and it IMMEDIATELY clicked that it was the most dangerous, and the oldest dinosaur on Earth. Yeah… She decided to stay at home.
QOS: (giggling) Not a match, miss Gaga! Moving on to Rose McGowan, I have a question for you: When you said "nobody freaked out, nobody did a thing", were you talking about your activism career?
Rose: No I was talking about how all the grocery store employees around me reacted when I told them how VIOLATED I felt when I was told to wear those ugly masks ugh.
QOS: So you’re against masks?
Gaga: Against or not, BUY CHROMATICA EXCLUSIVE MASK AND JOCKSTRAP TODAY LITTLE MONSTERS!
Rose: DON’T CALL ME A F*CKING JOCK B*TCH ITS MAYYYAAAAAAAMMMMMMUH!
[rucucu]
QOS: ...Alright, but what’s your answer?
Rose: Well I wrote down a hotline that helps victims of domestic abuse that you can call right now. [brief abuse PSA transcript is seen written on Rose's card]
QOS: How thoughtful! But unfortunately not a match. This next question is for Sin D. Kate:
“Dumb Deedee is so dumb, that when she wears a mask, she puts it over her [blank]!”
Sin D.: Dumb Deedee's so dumb she wears a mask over her genital area!
QOS: Let’s go over to our celebrities! SnarkyMarky, you’re up!
Marky: She puts it over her DUMB BIG FOREHEAD! Wasn't that so clever? I'm telling you, I'm a mastermind! I'm so clever!!!!! [ding]
QOS: Well, not a match, but a very creative answer. Lizzo, what about you?
Lizzo: Dumb Deedee is so dumb, that when she wears a mask, she puts it over her left t*t because her bras are nowhere to be found.
QOS: Oh, I know what that feels like! But not a match. What say you, Miss Félix?
María: "Chocha", she puts the mask on her hairy chocha, every woman should be shaved to show her butterfull p*ssy! Look at my p*ssy:
[QOS chuckles]
María: Do you recall having a hairy chocha?
QOS: I don’t think I saw any ingrowns last time I checked!
María: And men stick it in… I just feel it.
QOS: (laughing) Good for you, but not a match! Cardi, what did you write down?
Cardi: She puts it over her a*s when she was dancing on the pole before she got into a fight with some other ugly a*s stripper h*e and threw a shoe at that b*tch.
QOS: Also not a match. Now it’s time for everyone to answer our final question:
“Sin D. Kate is so tired of winning, instead of winning a challenge she wins a [blank]!”
HoPancakes: Sin D. Kate is so tired of winning, instead of winning a challenge she wins a first-class ticket home!
Sin D.: I'm so tired of winning that I just won a lifetime supply of Chromatica albums!
QOS: For the last time, let’s see what our celebrities have to say! Miss Dominique!
Dominique: She wins a CHOP, because look at her, she's just a brainless wonder who thinks the way to get curves is to stick air in her drawers or to inject cement into her derriere!
[Shade sound]
[Camera pans to Sin D.]
QOS: Ooh, not a match! Miss Snarky?
Marky: A coupon for free ice cream at McDonald's OBVIOUSLY. GOOD GOD THOSE MACHINES are always BROKEN. Like SERIOUSLY, I went yesterday and they told me the machine was OUT OF ORDER! That is the BIGGEST TOMFOOLERY of the CENTURY.
[QOS chortles]
QOS: What about you, Ja’mie?
Ja’mie: She wins a handjob. Because that ugly micro-p*nis is too hard to reach she needs to win one of those mini robots to pull that foreskin.
QOS: Not a match. What say you, Lizzo?
Lizzo: Instead of winning a challenge she wins an ex to slap some sense in, because that bastard made a huge mistake when dumping her a*s for that brunette.
QOS: Also not a match. Gaga, what did you answer?
Gaga: Sin D. Kate is so tired of winning, instead of winning a challenge she wins a room with 99 people who don't believe in her.
QOS: Not a match! María Félix, your turn!
María: She won nothing, no ugly women as her should win something, look at her face, she is filled with cardboard!
QOS: Cardboard?! Or is it botox?
María: Who cares, her face deserves to be in a museum...... and when I say museum I mean....
[QOS loses it]
QOS: Not a match, unfortunately! Rose McGowan, how about you?
Rose: She's so tired of winning? Well imagine how tired we are. [dramatically tilts head to the left] I said she wins a two night stay in lovely Bermuda. [lights dim, Rose turns and looks directly in camera where she gets roofied and never wakes up, lights go back to normal and Rose sits up straight]
QOS: Uh… You alright there? Anyways, not a match! Lastly, let’s ask Cardi B!
Cardi: She wins an opportunity to get drugged up by me like I drugged up all those men. Don't say drugging men is a bad thing when it ain't! I can drug all the men I want!
Marky: Do you have any XANAX? Miss Queen of Snakes over here tried to DEFY me when I was previously offered.
Cardi: Yes, I do and I got way more drugs!
Marky: OK I normally don't do this but my offer is $1.50. I won't go ANY higher.
Cardi: Too cheap poor b*tch. How about $1000?
Ja’mie: [to Marky] OH my god you're poor! You know I can sponsor you right?
Marky: Why would I let ANYONE sponsor me when their name is separated by an apostrophe. If you are so CLUSTERED that your name can't even be united, how can I trust you to keep me STABLE? Exactly. You can't SWEETIE.
[QOS cracks up]
QOS: OK, that’s enough! We’ve reached the end of the game! The winner of the Digital Snatch Fest is…
Thank you for joining us! Hopefully we won’t have to do this online next time around! Get me my pocketbook, I’m leaving.
[Celebrities wave and the show ends]
Runway[]
Welcome to the main stage of Beat Yo Face: All Stars! How are we feeling tonight?
QOS: Why don’t you come up and hit my reboot switch sometime?
HoWaffles: Is it mad scientist or cucu scientist?
Via: I’m about ready to digivolve!
This week we challenged our queens to give us their funniest celebrity impersonations in the Digital Snatch Fest. And on the runway, they’re slicing and dicing whatever comes their way as true queens of the blade!
Gentlemen, start your engines. And may the best All Star…
First up, AmyNo iSaid!
[The hosts gasp]
QOS: I believe in Pizzaskate!
Amy: (voiceover) She was the winner to the eyes of the people, but when another b*tch took her place she just went crazy. She went to her locker room, took the knife, and went back to kill her competitor, but it was such anger that she tripped on some ice skate blades and bled like hell. In shame, she cleaned her legs, and accepted her prize, she wasn't the queen no more.
HoWaffles: She’s Spinning Out!
Via: I, TonYASS!
Up next, DonutLikeMe!
QOS: Plates say Ch- Wait, this isn’t Chun Li?
Donut: (voiceover) For the runway, I thought I'd redesign Kasumi (from Dead or Alive) in my style of colors and effects. I gave her that ninja of the galaxy vibe and she sports the katanas! A fierce Japanese fighter with her katanas, in my opinion, is the Queen of the Blade.
HoWaffles: Ka-sue-me!
Via: Katana Montrese!
[The hosts cackle]
Gingica!
QOS: YASSSSS GAGA! SLAY MAMA!
Gingica: (voiceover) I'm wearing this shiny blade covered gown with an enormous, sparkling, cutting-edge (HA!) headgear. Might use those blades to cut one of these b*tches tonight.
HoWaffles: Her t*ts made out of spikes?
Via: Shave our souls!
Hannah!
QOS: Katy Perry would love to see this!
Hannah: (voiceover) Delicate like a peacock, fierce like a dragon!
HoWaffles: Green like a pea-c*ck.
Via: Who the f*ck is feather?
Natasha!
QOS: Touch the fashion, change your life!
Natasha: (voiceover) Once I figured that scissors could be considered some kind of a blade, I IMMEDIATELY thought of making a paper-styled look. Instead of sewing, I decided to use only scissors and my $20 printer. Yes there are few Party City elements, but that's just because I ran out of money after hiring a serial killer to get rid of G... wait. Anyway, scissors ftw!
HoWaffles: Your talent can’t be VELCRO...
Via: Now there’s a queen I’d love to scissor!
OzQueen!
QOS: Darth VadHER!
[OzQueen flips a switch at the back of her look and...]
[HoWaffles looks at the outfit in confusion]
OzQueen: (voiceover) My look is inspired by sci-fi movies, I'm a galactic fighter who serves a lot... then BAM, reveal. I let my true power shine, which is f-word power.
HoWaffles: Czar Wars.
Via: Luke… I am your MUTHA!
Queen of Memes!
QOS: Do you think she’s into scissoring?
QOM: (voiceover) Tonight I am paying tribute to the iconic Edward Scissorhands. I am showing the judges a different side of me tonight. I hope I show them that I can be both crafty and creepy at the same time. I could LITERALLY cut a b*tch right now.
HoWaffles: This is Edward’s good sis Melanie Scissorhands.
Via: Hey Porkchop!
Robin X!
QOS: I’m sending this knife straight to Hollywood!
Robin: (voiceover) I killed my boyfriend! I killed him with the knife in my mouth and knife in my hand. Some things are better off dead, like him.
HoWaffles: Sharty Quinn!
Via: She heard “slay me” and took it a little too literally…
Judges' Critiques[]
Welcome back ladies. When we call your name, please step forward.
You are safe. You may leave the stage.
[The safe queens leave]
Now it’s time for the judges' critiques.
Starting with AmyNo iSaid!
QOS: In the Snatch Game, your Elio was peachy perfect! I was constantly laughing and you had some good comebacks and worked well with the other queens. Your runway look tonight is just AMAZING! I absolutely love the concept and I think you nailed this theme. If you keep doing this well in the challenges and runway, I wouldn’t be surprised if you snatch up another season win! Great job!
HoWaffles: You know me, I’m a die-hard Timothée fan and your impression of him tonight was… amazing! It was so over-the-top and campy and you played him as Elio which I think is the smartest route to go as you have many references and jokes to lay on such as… the peach. I think the Oliver signature was a nice detail too. As for your Dominique, that was simply legendary, the fact that your jab at Cardi B (or “Farty B”) all rhymed was the cherry on top, everything about her was perfect. Your runway look is one of the best looks I’ve ever seen on the show! It’s simple, yes, but executed so beautifully with such a clever concept and story behind it. Amazing job tonight!
Via: To be frank, I wasn’t really loving your Elio. All the expected CMBYN references were there and overall it was fine, but a bit… meh. However, once miss Dominique Jackson came in, things did a 180! You channeled her perfectly, got a bunch of jokes in and most certainly read the house down, all while being true to the character. As for this runway look, I love it! It’s so campy and colorful, not to mention a smart interpretation of the “blade” theme and I’m always here for a Tonya Harding reference. You truly excelled in all areas this week, just as expected from you. Fantastic job!
Thank you, Amy.
Moving on to DonutLikeMe!
QOS: Just like last week, you nailed this character! Everything you said felt like something that Marky would say. Not only was it realistic but it was hysterical! I think that impressions really are your strong suit. As for your runway, it is not the most creative thing ever but I just think it is so beautiful and can’t stop looking at it. The colors are so perfect and work amazingly well with each other. Amazing job tonight!
HoWaffles: I wasn’t worried for you during this challenge, you proved last episode that, with a little bit of research, you can execute any character perfectly! Your SnarkyMarky was so hilarious and as soon as you came out and introduced yourself I couldn’t stop laughing! It’s so exaggerated and so accurate that it became a joy to watch! My favorite moment was when you dragged Ja’mie using her own name with the “apostrophe in your name” jab, simply hilarious! Your runway look is just amazing, I get the reference and I think it’s so polished and refined and I really do believe that she is the queen of the blade! Fantastic work!
Via: SnarkyMarky is not quite a celebrity so I was a little skeptical at first, but it all went away the moment you started talking. Just like Lady Bunny last week, you were spot-on! You copied his mannerisms and way of talking so effortlessly, it might as well have been the real deal! You seem to have a real knack for comedy and impressions. Your look is terrific and you definitely made it your own while still taking inspiration from Dead or Alive; I’m also really surprised you were the only one who did a sword fighter look for this runway. Excellent job!
Thank you, Donut.
Next up, Hannah!
QOS: Let’s talk about Snatch Game. Lizzo was a great choice I think because of her huge personality but you were not present at all. I don’t even remember you being there! You don’t have the strongest personality in this cast so I need you to step it up. Don’t be so afraid and just let loose! Your runway however, was so good. The peacock look but with feathers made of blades is exactly what I wanted to see on this runway tonight. This is possibly my favorite look from you of all time! You’ve had a great style glow up but I am still waiting on your personality and confidence to glow up.
HoWaffles: You made it hard for me to judge you tonight because you were… barely there. You got lost with all these big personalities trying to get a word in left and right. Not only did you barely speak, but your impression wasn’t really accurate or funny… at all. I think picking a character like Lizzo can bode well if you had a specific focal point to make fun of but you didn’t which hindered your performance. As for your runway, I’m so proud of the polish you’re presenting lately! It’s one of my favorite runway looks tonight and I think it’s so creative and clever, I mean who would’ve thought of a peacock made out of blades?! But besides that, I know you can do better.
Via: Lizzo is a HUGE personality, so… what happened? Again, just like last week, we totally lost you, and your answers were a little too tepid and not what I’d expect from someone as lively and unapologetic as Lizzo. I think you were a little out of your depth with this character. Now, your runway look is a whole other story! You keep stepping it up in the looks department each week and tonight was no exception; I love this fierce, peacock-warrior-princess fantasy! Just wish you would’ve done better in the challenge.
Thank you, Hannah.
Up next, OzQueen!
QOS: Your Snatch Game today was great! I was constantly laughing at your jokes which sometimes made no sense, but I was still enjoying it. It was overall extremely entertaining and a good job on your part. Your runway tonight is cute… but that’s about it. You did something similar to Donut by using an already existing character but unlike her, you just put a costume on and called it a day. I know that you tried to spice it up a little bit by making it rainbow but it just feels so lazy. I know you can do better than this and I am surprised by how mediocre your runway is. Not bad tonight, but do better.
HoWaffles: You had your doubts with who to play during the Snatch Game and I was worried for you because of that, but miss ma’am you squashed my worries with ease! Although I don’t know much about María, I fully understand her personality and I get what you were going for. What really helped with your impression was that the jokes didn’t stop coming! As for your runway look, this… isn’t the level I expected you to be at. It looks like a spangled Party City costume, not only that, but I notice a slight decline in your polish. The wig is ill-fitting and I don’t think simply holding a lightsaber qualifies you as the queen of the blade. The reveal did virtually nothing to the look and did not help at all, it actually hindered the look. To wrap things up, your Snatch Game was a hot, but your look was a rot.
Via: You won Snatch Game in your season, so I know that there was a lot of pressure on you to perform just as well this time around. However, you totally delivered! Your María Félix was delightfully b*tchy and had some great banter with the other characters; overall, it was a solid performance. That is unfortunately not the case on the runway. You could’ve taken a lightsaber-themed look so much further but you chose to stick to basic cosplay! Granted, your rainbow reveal was nice, but this look just doesn’t do it for me. Other than that, good job!
Thank you, OzQueen.
Moving to Queen of Memes!
QOS: Your Snatch Game was… not great. You weren’t the most present character and the parts when you were, it felt very awkward. The jokes didn’t really feel like Rose and more of a Robin X Big Red Snatch Game from last season. Some jokes did land and I chuckled but others like the assuming gender jokes weren’t funny. Maybe if we were in 2016 it would but it’s 2020 and we’ve moved past that type of humor. I actually enjoyed your runway look tonight! It’s still lacking polish but I can tell you are trying hard to improve your looks and I appreciate that.
HoWaffles: Your impression was fine, it wasn’t amazing or over-the-top or special but it was fine. I think Rose McGowan is an extremely funny character to do because she is a literal quote machine (“cultural reset”, etc.) but sadly you didn’t venture into her catch-phrases or mannerisms much. You focused on… jokes about gender identity? Yikes. I tried throwing in some questions to better your performance during the challenge but sadly you didn’t volley back. As for your runway, I love the Edward Scissorhands concept, however, I think you took it a bit too literally. For your polish, I think your previous runway look was more refined so I suggest you stick to that level.
Via: You started off strong, but then it… fizzled out into a bunch of distasteful, dated jokes. The Rose McGowan kookiness we all know and love wasn’t all that present, which is a shame as she has had plenty of memorable moments you could’ve sourced inspiration from. Your look tonight is fine, a cute spin on an iconic character but you could've done more. Still, you’re definitely improving when it comes to polish so do keep that up!
Thank you, Queen of Memes.
Lastly, Robin X!
QOS: Your Cardi B in the Snatch Game was not good. I’m being blunt but it’s the truth. I guess you had some of her mannerisms but it was not funny at all. Your runway look is my least favorite look you’ve shown us this season. It feels a little too messy and besides from the knife you’re holding, it doesn’t fit the theme that well. If you took away the knife, it would just be a questionable Harley Quinn cosplay. If you want to succeed this season, you have to turn it out and right now, I am seeing no turning.
HoWaffles: Besides Hannah, I feel like your impression went nowhere the most. All you were talking about is drugging men and your husband Offset… not very memorable in my opinion. You could’ve referenced her songs or her lyrics or anything besides going for the “I’m the queen of rap, my husband is Offset, and I drug men” route. I tried helping you out by mentioning some moments such as the shoe-throwing fiasco but it still went nowhere. Your runway look this episode is my least favorite so far, you gave us such elaborate and clever looks the past few episodes I don’t know where that drive went this time. I like the concept and the story behind it, I just don’t think the look is fitting for the theme.
Via: Your impression of Cardi was a very uninspired one. Yes, the drug and stripper jokes were in there but it felt like you kept going in a loop and falling back on the same lines. For example, you could’ve bitten back much harder than you did when Amy was reading you to filth, as Cardi herself would have done. Your look is decent but does not fit the theme enough: simply holding a knife does not a “queen of the blade” make. Step it up, please.
Thank you, Robin.
Thank you ladies, I think we’ve heard enough. Based on the judges’ critiques, we’ve made some decisions.
Amy: (confessional) Finally, a challenge win! Not only that but it’s Snatch Game!
Donut: (confessional) Winning two weeks in a row? I do think! I am starting to get more confident in my position in this competition.
Hannah: (confessional) I messed up today, but I can’t risk going home. I’ve improved so much!
Robin: (confessional) Ugh, in the bottom again, this feels a lot like Season 3.
Hosts: OzQueen, Queen of Memes, you are safe.
AmyNo iSaid, DonutLikeMe, each of you needs to decide which of the bottom queens you will eliminate if you win the lip-sync. While you deliberate in the Werk Room, the judges will be… listening to Chromatica by Lady Gaga [ding]. You may leave the stage.
[The queens leave the stage]
Deliberation[]
[The top and bottom queens enter the Werk Room]
[Amy looks excited]
Gingica: [to Amy] Well someone looks happy! Did you win?
Amy: Yes! Donut and I!
[The queens congratulate them]
Natasha: Who are the bottoms?
Robin: Hannah and… me again. [rucucu]
Gingica: Yikes.
Robin: (confessional) Being in the bottom two weeks in a row has made me feel the emotions I felt during Season 3, I don’t like feeling like I’m not good enough for this competition.
Donut: Who would like to plead their case first?
Hannah: I guess I’ll go.
[Donut and Hannah sit alone]
Donut: Why should you not be eliminated?
Hannah: Why shouldn't I be eliminated? Well, the judges said it themselves, that this was an improvement from where I was in Season 3.
Donut: How so?
Hannah: Well, I was so flattered when they said that my looks were polished compared to last season. It makes me believe that I have improved.
Donut: I mean, your look today is fantastic.
Hannah: Thank you! If I stayed longer I know I can show the judges more of where this came from.
[Amy and Robin sit alone]
Amy: I want to keep this as fair as possible, tell me why I shouldn’t choose your lipstick.
Robin: Despite this being my second time in the bottom, I have shown growth since Season 3 and I keep trying my best on each runway theme.
Amy: But this competition isn’t just the runway, have you improved overall?
Robin: I have been working harder this season than I did in the past. I wanted to redeem myself this challenge from my previous Snatch Game and I didn't, but I feel that my Snatch Game performance this time was better than in Season 3.
Amy: I’ll think about it.
[Robin leaves and Hannah sits in her place]
Amy: Hey sis, tell me why you should stay. Do you think you’re performing better in the challenges than during your season?
Hannah: I feel like for each Maxi Challenge, there were bigger chances for me to shine than last time. I'm not always going to be the best, I know that, but I won't stop trying.
Amy: Do you think you’ve improved enough to stay?
Hannah: Well, I want to keep going. I want to improve. The judges say they see my potential, so please, let me have the chance to show it off to them.
Amy: That’s a good point.
Amy: (confessional) I’ve seen Season 3, Hannah’s glow up is as clear as day. However, her glow up has consistently placed her safe, I want to see if she can go further than that.
[The scene switches to Donut and Robin sitting alone]
Donut: What can you show us if you stay?
Robin: If I am kept, I can show that I can perform well and keep up with the improved looks. Even though I don't see myself as the strongest queen here, I still want to show why I deserve to still be here.
Donut: What do you think you can offer?
Robin: What I can offer is great looks in my own style. I can also offer great songwriting skills in any songwriting challenges. I think I can deliver well in the fashion area as well.
Donut: Well, thank you for that.
Donut: (confessional) I hear what Robin is saying, but I sense some hesitation behind her words, especially when she admitted that she doesn’t see herself as the strongest queen in the competition.
[The Top 2 queens prepare for the lip-sync]
Elimination[]
[The queens re-enter the main stage]
Hosts: Welcome back ladies. Two top All Stars stand before us.
Prior to tonight, you were asked to create a square for Saturday Love by Cherrelle & Alexander O'Neal.
Ladies, this is your chance to impress us, win 10 A Points, and earn the power to give one of the bottom queens… the chop.
The time has come... for you to lipsync…
[The song starts]
[Amy and Donut pull out their most sensual moves]
Amy: (confessional) This might be the first time I won a challenge this season, but I won’t soak in that win until I win this lip-sync!
Donut: (confessional) Losing to OzQueen last week has put a fire under my a*s, I need to win this lip-sync so that I make it known to the other girls that I didn’t come to play.
[Amy slowly takes off her coat to reveal another outfit]
QOS: Ooooh!
[The queens in the back are rooting for them]
[As the song concludes, Amy takes off yet another piece of clothing]
[Via looks confused]
Gingica: (confessional) Amy is doing reveals left and right for this slow a*s song… I mean, it’s cute girl but are you adding anything to the table? [Shade sound]
[Both queens continue to give it their all]
[The song ends]
[The hosts clap]
Donut: (confessional) I did it! I won the lip-sync! This gives me further validation for my position in this competition, I AM a fierce competitor.
Donut: With this decision, I know I'm gonna go against what I previously said. I think this queen has a lot of room to grow but I just think that all around, her performance this week was the weakest. I chose...
[Robin frowns in disappointment]
Hosts: As it is written, so it shall be done. Robin X, you are and will always be… an All Star. Now…
Robin: I'm gonna f*ck the Pit Crew to let me on Season 4!
[The queens chuckle and clap for her]
[She leaves the stage]
Hosts: Our dazzling All Stars, remember, if you can’t love yo’self, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else? Can we get an amen up in here?
Now, let the music play!